As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
