just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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