I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
