remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
