dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
