you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
