hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
