He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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