What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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