oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
