I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
