I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
