This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
