I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
