Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i already hear my dad disowning me
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
