tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
