meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
