you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
