C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
