her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
