Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
