Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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