I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Randomize
