Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
