i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
it's not cheating when I paid for it
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
