Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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