i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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