It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
