haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
