Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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