When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
