'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
