so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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