Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize