We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Randomize
