I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
im having a threesome with these popsicles
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
