he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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