If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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