Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
