okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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