he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
