toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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