I'm so fucking centered right now
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
