There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
