Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
