i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
