Will you blow on my dice?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
