Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
