Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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