I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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