i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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