it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Mom said you looked used
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
