i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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