so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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