I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
