Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
