Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
