This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
