Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
