you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
