I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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