yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
