"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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