fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
it glows. i had to have it.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Randomize