when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
