I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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