i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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