well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
