The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
