we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
