I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
