i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
